Thursday, September 4, 2008


Life has been EVEN MORE crazy than usual, if you can believe that. About two weeks ago, I noticed that water was dripping from the thermostat. It's electronic, so I knew that was no good, but I couldn't figure out where the water was coming from. Then, about a week or so ago, I walked into the laundry room and stepped into a half-inch of standing water, which by the process of elimination (and the fact that I could hear a waterfall) was coming from inside the wall. Seriously. I called the plumber in a panic, and he came out, cut a huge hole in the wall, did some craziness under the house, torched the pipe, and called the whole thing a day.

He also told me that sewer gases are leaking into my house. Yes, I said SEWER GASES. As in poop. FOR REALS. I was disgusted, but didn't know really what to do, so I just said, "Eww," a lot, and that seemed to suffice.

The Serv-Pro people came out that same day to dry up the house and remove the flooring because there was water trapped under the vintage 1980s vinyl my grandparents had installed in the kitchen and laundry room. I left Michael, the Serv-Pro person, to do his thing, but after a little while he called my name in a strange tone of voice. I ran to see what was wrong, and he peeled back the vinyl flooring to show me an inch of MOLD growth under my floors! DISGUSTING!!!! It smelled like an old man broccoli fart, and looked like about 8 different kinds of nasty. Michael slapped that vinyl back down and taped it up with a whole roll of duct tape. He said they wouldn't be able to remove that flooring until they could set up a vapor barrier and come back with hazmat suits (0r however you spell that). Yes, I've been living with mold for almost 2 years now. Awesome.

Michael moved to the next room affected, which was the den. He pulled up a corner of the carpet, and then called out for me again. He said that since the flooring appeared to have been put down before 1980, it most likely had asbestos in it. Again, AWESOME. He cut out a square to be sent to the lab to analyze, and then went on his merry way, leaving two gigantic fans and two gigantic dehydrating machines to suck and blow all the water away.

A couple of days later, Nick called me in a panic, and said that there was water all over the laundry room floor again. I called the plumber again, only this time I was a bit calmer since I had done this before. The plumber met me at the house, having just come from THE EMERGENCY ROOM. Again, FOR REALS. He had been hanging a door at his grandmother's house, and somehow, the door fell on his hand, fracturing it. So the poor plumber came out to our house at 10:00 at night and turned off the water with his forearm and left hand because he couldn't use his gimpy right hand. Sad.

The next morning, he brought a compadre over, and together, they set about to fixing things while I went on my merry way to work and a meeting at the United Way. After the meeting ended, I noticed I had three missed calls from the plumber. Clearly, this was not a good sign. I called him back, and could barely understand him because he was so hoarse. He hadn't sounded sick when I left, but I thought maybe it was just a cold coming on. WRONG. He couldn't talk because he'd been all up under my house where apparently there is MOLD EVERYWHERE. He had breathed in all that mold (without a mask) and it for reals bobo'd him up. Unfortunately, due to the mold, and the fact that he did not wear a mask, he could not stay under the house to fix the leaky pipe. There was also the slight problem of dryer lint. You see, apparently, my grandparents had the dryer vent go from the dryer to under the house, so in the plumber's words, there is about 4 inches of lint on every surface under the house. This normally wouldn't be a problem except that in order to fix the pipe they need to use a blowtorch. Blowtorch + lint = BOOM, so that's probably not a good idea.

Since the pipe can't be fixed, the water had to be turned off to avoid flooding the house. This means that Nick and I are currently residing in his parents' house. Did I mention we're getting married in six weeks? GOOD TIMES.

The above drama is the reason I haven't been posting any new items on Etsy--the Great Flood of '08 has been taking all my time and energy, but new things are coming soon!

I need to give a shout out (yes, I said that) to Ken's Plumbing in Greenville, South Carolina. They are, officially, the BOMB. Even though the pipe can't be fixed for now, they were super nice and fixed the first leaky pipe without a problem. It's not their fault my house is old and bobo.

Also, I need to give another shout out (did it again) to my wedding photographer/videographer: Goodman Photography & Video. ( They are pretty much the shizznit. They have been so wonderful to work with and so understanding of the sudden financial burden put on us by the house. Please take a minute to visit their site, and if you like what you see, recommend them to someone you know!

Thanks for reading my verbal diarrhea!